"You can be right, or you can be happy."
I have a little book of daily readings that I reach for each morning, knowing it’ll plant a little seed of awareness and reflection for the day. Or, I’m groggy and forget it all by the time I’m halfway done with the page… or, I just straight-up skip it because why do I not do things that are good for me again? So really, I very imperfectly aspire to read this little book everyday!
Well, hold on to your hats, because the other morning I did read it. And now I am ~*EnLiGhTeNed*~ so I’ll go float on a cloud now byeee!
NOT. The short page encouraged me to investigate and root out self-justification and self-righteousness. These are two qualities, particularly self-righteousness, that I have way too much of, and I notice (sometimes, in my more self-aware flashes) what a pain in the ass I am when they flare up.
Discussing things with Stirling, I pontificate and reiterate my points, even after they’ve been made. I am so absolutely sure I am right. I don’t leave much space for his infamously measured, harmony-seeking ideas because I’m wildly riding my steamroller of self-righteousness all over the conversation. I can see how this behavior on my part will ultimately be damaging to our partnership, and will limit my ability to learn from the people around me. Continuously judging others and justifying my own thinking keeps me stuck in fixed views, and closes me off from others’ wisdom.
As the reading suggested that morning, I am trying to shine awareness on this tendency of mine. To cultivate patience. To inquire into why I so easily slip into self-righteousness.
Yet, what I’m running into now is this: I don’t know how justice, self-righteousness, harmony and complacency weave together. In a world of injustice and pain, where people exploit others and obliviousness is not neutral but insidious, I feel like I have to fight. It feels like infinite patience, neutrality, harmony, and so on, would do nothing but uphold our toxic status quo.
Clearly, I have no answers. These questions of self-righteousness and harmony remind me of something a loved one often says with a wry smile, “you can be right, or you can be married.” When it comes to partnership, I want to focus now on the small things I can do to be a good human being, to become 1% better than I was yesterday. With my self-righteousness problem, I want to remember: I can be right, or I can be happy.
